this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
