I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
