I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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