My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I think weed is turning my hair brown
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
