It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
smell my finger.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
