I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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