a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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