My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
