She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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