I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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