I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
