I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
