new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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