He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
