No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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