is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
