i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
