She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
