And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
