so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
