I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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