just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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