i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
