WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
