the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
