after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he was CRYING into my vagina
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize