If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
