Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
