just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
