I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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