My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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