I think I won the penis lottery.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
