She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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