So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
barbara walters just said penis...
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
