Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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