I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
