ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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