Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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