yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
