Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize