What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
