If that was your dad, he is hot
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize