he wants to bone in the snuggie
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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