Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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