If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
