Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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