How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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