i was born a porn star she said
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
