I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I need a beard to bite.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
