She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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