I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
