Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize