I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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