He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
she looked like the before picture.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
