I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
