i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
