We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
