I must be too annoying 4 u.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize