i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
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