I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
