I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I understand Curling. That high.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
