Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Randomize
