Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
