woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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