My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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