I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
