there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
