if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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