I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
