he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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