Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
