i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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