the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
