I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Your penis caused this!
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