my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I don't deserve a penis
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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